Monday, May 18, 2009


Cars line up 
and chase 
each other 
down the 
street, like
dogs, once 
the light 
changes. I
sit on a 
bench, knees
swelling, watching.
Wishing someone
was strong
enough to
carry me
for a while,
but, knowing
no one is, 
I stand


nckhrkman said...

some hiatus.

• the title is "light changes"
• remove "once the light changes."
• reorganize tense to have the cars chasing each other immediately after the title.
• i like "w" sounds
• due to stopping/starting theme, consider experimental punctuation.


(also: word authorization to comment was "redic")

Ambition Bird said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ambition Bird said...

what is this ultra-efficient crit format?!

nckhrkman said...

i've always called them bullet points, but i've long felt that term is unnecessarily violent.