Thursday, July 15, 2010
Feeling Animated
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
These first few hours are unbearable.
I tried to drive to the lake and sit
in the yellowing mist of the sun
going down in the rain and
listen to Neil Young on the warm
hood of my car
but now I have returned
to the house because there is nowhere
left to drive
and all of the recyclables in the bin
by the door are yours, along with the
towels and I couldn’t get you to take
the macaroni and cheese with you
so it's sitting in the cupboard staring
me down accusingly
I know
I know
but it insists, along with the spot
you cleared in the garden.
If those plants ever come up,
they will say the same thing
look at me the same awful way
that the ash tray-- empty-- on
the back steps does
I know
I did this
and I've done it before
and it's easier to blame you for leaving.
The rain tapping on the leaves
should comfort me but I’ve heard
too much today
and you are still in motion
with places left to drive
headlights and wipers beating
searching for a heart of gold
and I have no idea if I will see you again.
The dog needs to go out into that rain and
you are not here to take him
so I will sit in the dusk with the
beetles buzzing up and slamming
themselves into the porch light,
beside the ash tray and imagine
your car pulling back into the drive
you rolling a cigarette with a grin
your legs crossed at the ankle
a heart of gold
and I will rehash every awful thing I’ve ever said to you