tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3991802457623802006.post8358165119156052280..comments2023-03-24T07:44:50.125-04:00Comments on The Business of Words: Worst FearAmbition Birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12919490089348223647noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3991802457623802006.post-29097377111065319652009-07-22T17:12:18.400-04:002009-07-22T17:12:18.400-04:00goosebumpsgoosebumpsAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03124618784264113311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3991802457623802006.post-85706807541273417922009-07-16T00:42:45.330-04:002009-07-16T00:42:45.330-04:00i don't like the title, but it says a lot. &qu...i don't like the title, but it says a lot. "worst fear" indicates a single fear, so after reading the poem it does the trick of forcing the reader to wonder what this fear actually is. the immediate, obvious answer is a fear of water, but the rest of the poem delves further into a more complicated, ambiguous answer regarding confidence or lack of control. ambiguity is my biggest problem with this poem.<br /><br />the ambiguity of speaker, audience, chronology, and conflict is what holds this poem back from being really great. there's a real terror, a real sense of drowning at the end of the poem, and the reader wants to understand the players involved in this crisis. <br /><br />the image at the beginning of a (presumably) young child straying into deep water is very clear, very well handled. when the focus switches to the metaphorical, the conflict occurring this summer, things become fuzzy. you could simply be talking about a swimming-trip-gone-awry this summer, but i doubt it. there's some conflict, internal or external, that's plaguing you. the reader, however, is left to guess what exactly this conflict is, but has a very real grasp on how dire the situation is for you.<br /><br />the addressee appears to be a parent or some figure that was there to witness you in your youth. this is complicated in the metaphorical section when the conflict is undefined and the roles of 'rescuer' and 'victim' are introduced. the reader does not know why the speaker is in danger or who is coming to save him or her.<br /><br />the ambiguous time frame is also tricky, but can be easily remedied. 'remember the summer when i was x years old...' could be enough, just to make sure the reader understands that you were a child (i'm assuming). <br /><br />the form, as it stands, works. i like the couplets you use for the caution of the memory, then the longer, more precarious stanzas toward the end. it isn't exactly lined up that way, but it's close, and i'd nudge it just a little to fully accomplish it. you could also experiment with this further by shortening the lines in the beginning to stress a slower pace, and then quicken the second half with longer lines for a faster, more uncontrolled pace. <br /><br />it may be too gimmicky, but you may also want to experiment with the visual aesthetic by using a drop-off kind of line enjambment for the lines where you plunge into the water.<br /><br />i like this one. it deals with fear more openly than a lot of your other poems. sounds more sincere, less guarded. has the framework to be really terrifying.nckhrkmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02658662227432637842noreply@blogger.com